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Organized people are just too lazy to look for things!
There is a fine line between a sleepover and just drinking way too much at someone else`s house.
Couples have an amount they can spend up to without discussing with each other. Mine is around $50. My wife`s is around $643.27. Apparently
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend.
I think sex is probably the best stress reliever, but I haven’t beaten anyone with a baseball bat before, so I can’t be 100% sure.
I’m pretty busy today, so if you could just go ahead and offend yourself for me that would be great. Thanks!
Running feels great unless you compare it to not running
Someone just told me to "Have a good morning". What about the rest of my day mother f*cker?
Broke up with my girlfriend. She was into the horoscope stuff and we weren`t compatible. I`m a libra and shes a...b!tch
Auto correct changed "group hug" to "grope hug" and I`m not in charge of the team-building exercises any more.
Uses 3 gallons of water to rinse out yogurt container so it can go into recycling bin
The fastest way to find out if your wife is just pretending to be asleep to avoid sex is to pick up her phone and start scrolling.
I`m sorry officer, I thought you wanted to race.
There`s nothing a floored gas pedal and cranked music can`t cure.
How easily you`re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.