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Did you guys know grammar police rhymes with humorless a$$hole?
I may not be the best looking, wittiest, smartest or even the most successful person. I forget where I was going with this...
I always say, "morning." Instead of, "good morning." If it were a good morning, I would still be asleep in bed instead of talking to people.
I bet anyone who`s had to fight a bear has snuck at least one hug in
Never , under any circumstances , take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. O_o
I thought 70 was the new 50, but the cop still gave me a ticket.
Randomly print things to give your co-workers the impression you’re working.
A new heavy metal Christian Rock band will soon be releasing their debut album. They`re called Nuns `n` Moses.
A recent report shows that people who smoke weed get into 85% fewer car crashes than drunk people. Obviously. It`s a lot easier to see what`s coming when you`re only driving at eleven miles an hour.
What happens when Batman sees Catwoman? The Dark Knight Rises.
hates when I´m singing along with the radio and the artist messes up the words!
Everytime I see a person jogging I already know they have facebook, everyone on facebook works out.
Well, I’m bored again. Time to open the fridge
If anxiety was good for weight loss, I`d be back to my birth weight.
Why get married? Just pick a girl you hate and buy her a house.