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Kill them with kindness ..and then fart as you walk away
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds. :/
Just found a shopping list in this cart that said, "Beer, wine, crap like that", so apparently my soulmate is still out there.
Doctors who expect me to pee on command, I`m not some kind of stunt pee-er, you know.
I don`t really want to hear about the marathon, unless of course, they add an element of suspense ... Like a Bear at mile 3
I`m kinda like an onion, not in some deep I have layers way, but if you see me naked, you`ll cry.
There are a lot of side effects to smoking weed. Like never shutting up about the fact that you smoke weed.
Sorry I cancelled at the last minute, but it took me forever to think of an excuse I hadn`t used yet.
I want to grow old and disgusting with you.
Gee I wish I could push the envelope... But it`s stationary.
"American Pie" ruined it for any kid that actually does have an amazing story from band camp.
I was thinking about jumping on the Patriot`s Fan bandwagon, but I am afraid that the tires would be deflated...
My chemistry teacher asked us what the heaviest metal was today. Apparently "Megadeath" was the wrong answer.
The Bishop came to our church today, but I think he was an imposter. He never once moved diagonally.
I`ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I`m actually talking to someone.