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Please ignore this post, I`m pretending to be adding a coworker`s phone number.
Finally figured out what women want...SECURITY!!!......(At least that`s what they all yell when I try to talk to them...)
Money may not buy you happiness, but it does buy you all the sh1t you want!
Whenever I screw up at work, I`m so glad I`m not a doctor.
I wish we had staff meetings in the garden. The plants would`ve love the fertilizer.
Today I found a penny. It reminded me of you. Worthless & found in everybody`s pants.
If you surround yourself with people funny enough to make you laugh till your abs hurt, you’ll never have to work out!
What`s the right age to stop running naked from the bedroom to the bathroom?
I don`t have a drinking problem, I just celebrate everything! Like the fact that shirts have armholes, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.
My favorite drink is the fullest one on the table.
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg, and some days you`re the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down.
pens and pencils are drumsticks and desks and textbooks are drum kits. its a fact.
Me: Well hello again. I knew you`d be back. I seem to have that effect on people Fed Ex: Just sign here so I can leave
I may be asking too much of this coffee.
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public, why don`t you ever smile in my pictures?