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Halloween Drinking Game: Drink every-time an Elsa (from Frozen) visits your house.
I love finding money in my clothes. It`s like a gift to me... from me. :)
The bible says you can`t buy your way into heaven but there isn`t a church in the country that won`t encourage you to try.
Wow!!, What a day..I volunteered at a soup kitchen, mowed my lawn, went to 2 Birthday parties, ran 6 miles, then told a bunch of lies on Facebook.
Welcome to WebMD. Type quickly, you don`t have long.
Ever have to poop and your abdominals start to relax just as you near the toilet, and then you notice that `Out of Order` sign or the empty toilet paper dispenser?
A shark will only attack you if you’re wet.
My level of sarcasm is to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.
Every Chrysler commercial should begin with them apologizing for the PT Cruiser.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I`m still looking.
Press 1 for someone who probably learned English last month, but is going to try and communicate effectively with you anyway.
An egg salad is really just a chicken salad that is really underdone.
I don`t know why they call it Everclear. I drink that stuff and everything is a blur.
Just sneezed 8 times in a row and saw the entrance to Narnia for a split second.
Really, 6 more inches of snow today. My front yard is getting more action than me.