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Weird when someone vanishes from your Facebook feed for 3 years then suddenly reemerges with the results of a "Which Muppet Are You?" quiz.
Are you reading this from a toilet? I’m writing this from one.
I`m at the age where I need at least 3 weeks advance notice before doing anything spontaneous
Keep talking; someday you’ll say something intelligent.
Dear World, Stop saying "twerk."
I know it’s “cool” to make fun of celebrities, but the Bieber jokes need to stop. That’s somebody’s daughter.
Coffee is just a hug for your insides.
I`m at my most likable before you get to know me.
All true wisdom is found on T-Shirts.
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of adults nowadays who ask kids "What do you want to be when you grow up?" are just trying to come up with some ideas?
The only thing I drink from a shot glass nowdays is Maalox.
Instead of walking faster when someone holds a door open for me, I slow down to test their door holding resolve.
All my life I’ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
I hate it when someone turns the light on while I`m sleeping and I`m like O_-
She lost me at, "I don`t watch football."