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I end a sentence with "just sayin" because ending it with "dumbass" would be offensive.
I didn`t get a chance to do yoga this morning or any other morning of my life.
It’s ok if you don’t agree with me. I can’t force you to be right.
I assume guys who wear their phones on the hip do so because their pockets are stuffed to the brim with condoms and girls phone numbers
My Therapist told me not to drink while I`m on my Meds but little does she know...I`ve been off my Meds for almost a week now!
Computer froze? Just press all the keys.
After months of uninterrupted analysis, I am now prepared to conclude that, indeed, my laundry is not going to fold itself.
I’ve never had angry sex. I’m always happy and quite surprised that it is actually happening.
Instead of calling it the John, I call my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.
Without facebook: more sleep, less drama, and a life!
Blockbuster sell sweets and ice cream to go with your DVD rental - who the hell wants to rent sweets and ice cream?
Hey,,,, I said I`d be there in 10 minutes... Quit calling me every half hour.
I have tons of friends! Well i only have one... but she ways a ton!
If horror movies have taught me anything, it`s lock up your butcher knives if your child addresses you as "mother" or "father."
Greeting all the Single People a very Happy Independence Day!!