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I can alwasy tell when movies do not use real dinosaurs
Social media - keeping people away from each other since 2006.
I`m on this great new diet called "sleep through breakfast"
My inflatable girlfriend always looks surprised when I walk into the room.
It’s funny that old people need handicap parking spots but they always manage to pick up a penny off the ground.
Thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...
The perfect time for a snack is while you’re waiting for another snack to finish cooking.
You can always tell a lot from that first kiss, especially when they say things like "please stop" and "who are you?"
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.
i was sooo funny i cracked me off.......
Anybody wanna go halfsies on an orgasm?
Please help control the pet population, have that special talk with your pet!
I use my imagination to solve problems. And by imagination, I mean booze.
You`re such a slut, the only reason why you wear panties is to keep your ankles warm.