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He turned to her, ran his hand up her thigh, across her belly and down her legs. When he turned back to watch TV, she asked "Why stop?" "I found the remote!" he replied.
Apparently, walking up behind a girl in the produce isle with celery in my hand and saying "I`m stalking you" was much funnier in my head.
I`m glad people are exercising but I want to see cooler activities posted on FB. Like "I spent 1 hour wrestling a bear. 110 calories burned."
I hate people that don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”. Their so stupid…….
I’m always frank with my sexual partners. Don’t want them knowing my real name.
When it comes to tantrums, I throw like a girl.
Warning: I just get weirder.
Car sex is not fun...that tailpipe BURNS
"Holy sh!t, that guy eats a lot of pizza" -people that walk by my house on recycling day.
Facebook should just change it`s name to "People You May Want to Avoid."
I wish I could google "things to eat in my fridge" so I wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed. ;)
Life hack: You can park wherever you want if you put your hazard lights on and take your tire off.
I can’t tell if I’m hungry, but better eat just in case.
Beautiful people are more beautiful when surrounded by ugly people
I wouldn`t do much for a Klondike Bar; I would however get naked for beer.