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Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when your finished.
Today is the day I go back to the gym. Tomorrow is when I stop telling lies.
I feel so stupid for cashing in my retirement account early. But then I always feel stupid using the Coinstar machine.
I didn`t get your text (phrase) - I got your text, I was just too lazy to respond.
This year thousands of men will die from stubbornness....NO WE WON`T!!
Ha, SUCKA`S! I just smuggled a bag of popcorn into the movie theater. Now I just need to borrow their microwave.
My New Years Resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic...I wonder how long this bull$hit fantasy will last.
Spontaneity is great ... as long as I have a plan.
I shake my bottled water so the H`s & O`s are evenly distributed.
Guys communicate by insulting each other, but don’t really mean it. Girls communicate by complimenting each other, but don’t really mean it.
Facebook should have a limit on times you can update your relationship status, after 3 it should default to "unstable".
If pigs could fly, nobody would be eating chicken wings.
We live in a time where "He is hot" is more important than "He is a nice guy."
Wonder what my couch is doing right now.
"Because it would be hilarious,"... is probably not a good reason to elect someone to be president.