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I wonder if angry people know about naps?
Burger King is offering delivery service in some areas. I don’t trust it. Everyone knows it’s impossible to drive without eating the fries.
Be thankful for stupid people, they make it easier for the rest of us to get ahead in life.
If you’re getting dirty looks because your baby is crying loudly on a plane, start crying even louder and everyone will avoid eye contact
Is it just me or doesn`t anyone disappear in the Bermuda triangle anymore?
The most expensive part of having kids is all the booze I drink.
I wonder if the two guys arguing over r2d2 and roadrunner ever get laid.
Good news: I finally got my computer connected to the wireless printer. Bad news: not sure which house I need to go to get my documents.
I went on two diets because there wasn’t enough food on just the one.
I fear the day when our kids would look at old you tube videos of us doing the Harlem Shake and Gangnam Style and think what a retarded generation ours was.
Want someone to stop texting you? Sleep with them.
Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious
Notice how writers don’t rewrite books, how about we stop remaking movies.
Now that 1 in every 3 people cheats in their relationships,I`m left wondering. . .Is it my wife or my girlfriend that`s cheating?
I licked some of the frosting, but then I just ate the whole cake. No evidence. Problem solved.