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Only 273 fruit roll-ups to go until I get my full serving of fruit...
It’s called karma, and it’s pronounced “haha! Screw you!”
My imaginary friend is bullying me.
Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries".
These animal crackers are crap, this elephant tastes exactly like that giraffe did.
lord, we beg you for tupac, and in return you can have justin bieber
when I`m quiet, strangers look at me and think I`m shy. People who know me think: OMG! he`s thinking! EVERYBODY RUN!
If I had three wishes, I`d use one for boobs. Because I`m pretty sure I could get everything else that I wanted if I had boobs.
Wait,,,, What does it mean when my bride uses air quotes during the vows???
No, I don`t need a Fitbit. I can count to 45 by myself.
I would unblock you but then I`d be admitting I`d made a mistake and that`s just not my thing.
If you want funny, get off Facebook and watch the news...
Cleavage is like the sun, you can look... But its dangerous to stare
Never ask a woman who is eating ice cream straight from the carton how she’s doing.
You had me at 0 mutual friends