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When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found.
When a woman says "what?" its not because she didn`t hear you. She`s giving you a chance to change what you just said.
At the end of the day, life should ask us, ‘Do you want to save the changes?’
I’m giving co-workers the silent treatment by sending them blank emails.
can be sympathetic, empathetic, compassionate, welcoming, loyal, trust-worthy, forgiving, understanding, and giving. But not to today!
You can`t make me believe there`s a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.
It`s amazing how I come up with my best status updates when I`m in the shower or when I`m driving. I think it has a lot to do with me being naked.
Your a$$ must be jealous everytime sh*t comes out of your mouth.
Afraid of not getting what you ordered when online shopping…..Ha, try online dating
People are so ungrateful. No one ever thanks me for having the patience not to kill them.
lifes like a box of chocolates, never know whatcha gonna get (:
Unless you fell off the stairmaster and a barbell fell on your face... no one wants to hear about your workout.
The only hunger games i care about involve plastic hippos.
If your dog is fat it means that you don`t get enough exercise.
I try to always be the bigger person by hanging out with a lot of short people.