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"There`s nothing sexier than a chick that knows how to work on cars" -Dudes, trying to get us to do that job too.
Bad Morning: As I sit on the throne remembering I used all the toilet paper last night for Halloween pranks.
I`ll never become mature enough to not laugh out loud when the person in the stall next to me farts so loud it sounds like a volcano just erupted.
Did you know that if you light a candle under the moonlight and you say 3 times the name of the person you love, you will look really stupid doing that!
This is the third time someone in Liam Neeson`s family has been abducted, they really need to stop leaving the house.
Why would anybody put 99 bottles of beer up on a wall in the first place?
I always push when I should pull. I have doorlexia.
I`m not saying I`m bilingual but if you shout at me in German I`ll probably do whatever you want
The only reason I keep people`s phone numbers in my phone is to avoid their calls..
Asking me if Iām hungry, is like asking me if I like money.
Have you ever noticed that the & symbol looks like a guy dragging his butt across the floor?
I`d go to church if they had Wi-Fi.
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head.
My wife asked me what new hairstyle she should get, so I held my breath until I passed out.
once you delete your birthday from Facebook, you realize no-one ever gave a sh!t about you all along!