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We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.
Aren`t you too fat to be this rude?
I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.
I hate when I go to pump gas only to find out that the little metal "handle hold up thingy" is broken, so I have actually squeeze and hold the handle. I hate it for two reasons: 1) its gross and i just wanna peel my hand skin off like gloves when im done. 2) it makes me realize how lazy I am.
Don`t act like your not impressed.
I don`t really want to hear about the marathon, unless of course, they add an element of suspense ... Like a Bear at mile 3
Alex, I`ll take WTF for a $1000
I`m not sayin you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
After 3 "it`s complicated" statuses, Facebook should just default to "Unstable"
I got a little package in the mail today. For some reason it just reminded me of my ex.
i dont like ling distance relationships so i move the fridge to my room
Scared some Jehovah`s Witnesses today by going to the door completely naked. I`m not sure what scared them more, me being totally naked or the fact that I knew where they lived.
I add "Drink Beer" to my weekend to-do list so I know I`ll at least get one thing done.
You know it’s a really good bar when there’s a couple outside breaking up.
Not sure if people stopped saying YOLO or if everyone who said it died.