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It`s called "Biscotti" because nobody would buy "chocolate covered croutons".
Cranked the treadmill up to MAX for 15 minutes. When I finally took a break my roller skates were hot to the touch.
I prefer my kale with a silent "K"
The only time I`ve ever had a chip on my shoulder was when I tried to dump the entire bag into my mouth at once.
MAN LAW 101: No man should ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
Sometimes I like to hold the door for people who are far away so they feel obligated to run just a little. ;)
Upside to hurricanes... you might get a free boat delivered to your front yard.
When the hostess at the restaurant says “table for 2?” I always like to look surprised and whisper “you can see her too?”
never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes
That sounds fried. I`ll take it.
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store clerk asked to come back soon?
PARENTS: your teen may be worshipping Satan. Look for these terms: LOL - Lucifer Our Lord, BRB - Burn Religious Books, TBH - Tell Beelzebub Hi
Being married is like having the freedom to do whatever your wife tells you.
I got kicked out of a fancy dress party on the weekend, because I was wearing nothing but a red shirt. Not my fault nobody has heard of Winnie the Pooh!!
I was in my kitchen cleaning when suddenly I realized OMG! ... I`m late for Facebook!!