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Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as COLD as your own. :)
I try to avoid things that make me look fat, like scales, mirrors and photographs!
If it`s true that we are here on earth to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
"It`s cold!", "Happy birthday!", "I`m so blessed", "Political rant!"... There, now you don`t have to go to Facebook today. You`re welcome.
I`m not everyone`s cup of tea ... I`d rather be someone`s shot of tequila away.
Wake up, kids! Bees can`t even read, much less spell. IT`S A SCAM!
Ladies: Sometimes you just need to throw your arms up in the air and say, "Tie me up"
It`s really crazy that you don`t hear a round of applause every time you order a salad.
My girlfriend asked me to send some dirty pics. So I sent her a picture of my sink full of dishes. :)
Hate to break it to you mom, but my friends do not care if my room is messy, They care whether or not there’s food
I dig, she digs, he digs, they dig, we dig. its not a good poem but its really deep.
For all the parents with kids starting school I just want to say congratulations. You made it through another summer without killing your children!! I am proud of you all!!
I went to the missing persons` beurau. No one was there.
I put the “Pro” in Procrastinate.
The saying, "Say no to drugs" has always made me laugh. If you`re talking to drugs, it`s probably too late to say no to them.