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I`ve decided to go my own way and think "inside the box" to be different ... Wow its dark in here!
This Polo shirt as two buttoning options: Uptight Golf prick or disco chest hairs.
I don`t have the blood alcohol level to deal with you
Mosquito landed on my friend`s face; easiest decision of my life.
I miss times when I was working at the zoo... my boss fired me just because I left the lion`s gate open.... I mean who would steal a lion
You actually have friends? Yeah bro, all 10 seasons on DVD.
I know exactly how a bomb technician feels when I try to open a cup of cherry mixed fruit without the juice spraying out.
I really respect people that don`t drink excessively, gamble, curse, do drugs, spend excessively, act irresponsibly and stay up late. And by "respect" I mean "don`t wanna hang out with"
Thinking about staying in tonight? Nobody looks back in life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
Chinese scientists have discovered the rare rock n roll panda it will only eat A wop bop a loo lop a wop Bamboo
I go from "Hard to get" to "Hard to get rid of" in 6 beers flat.
"Crazy" is just another name for "Someone who knows how to have fun"
This is how my week goes: Mooooooooooooonday Tuuuuuuuuuuuuesday Weeeeeeeeeeednesday Thuuuuuuuuuuursday FridaySaturdaySunday.
Why has someone not invented a see-through toaster yet?
If Facebook has taught us anything, it`s that a lot of people are not quite ready for a Spelling Bee.