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It doesn`t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full. There`s clearly room for more Alcohol
I always stop to help women broke down. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how a good porno starts off!
Why does the need to pee intensify by million when you are trying to unlock the door to your house.
The larger the implants, the more likely she’ll be confused by a push/pull door.
Is there a way to politely throw breathe mints in someone`s mouth while they`re talking?
I don`t have issues... I AM an issue
To the untrained eye, I`m quite handsome.
Just realized I have more in common with Garfield than I have with most people
Don`t trust anyone that orders a Medium Pizza....
Falling in love when lonely is a lot like shopping when hungry, you end up with a bunch of sh!t you don`t need.
Try Zumba, It`s awesome ... on my way to the emergency room.
When I die, before my will is read, I want my entire Google search history revealed and whoever is left in the room gets it all.
I have to be funny because being hot is not an option.
Anything is legal when there`s no police around
Of course I`m crazy, but that doesn`t mean I`m wrong