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The length of your "About me" section on Facebook is directly proportional to how annoying you are in real life.
I`m a Leader not a follower. Unless it`s a dark place...then you`re going first!
Just because they sell yoga pants in XXL doesn`t mean it`s ok to wear them in public.
Judge me if you will, just keep the verdict to yourself.
No matter how little I do in a day. I always feel like I could have done less.
I’m going to start telling girls that I’m available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
How to get laid: 1)Lay on bed... Wait 1 hour until lay becomes past tense
I`m obviously smarter than you`re
Billion dollar idea: A phone that charges using body fat!
My doctor said I’m healthy enough for sex, just not attractive enough.
What is an Amish girls favourite fantasy? Two Mennonite
I just ate a Cheeto that melted perfectly in my mouth! It was Awesome! ....Until I realised that was the highlight of my day.
So far,,, I`ve spent 300% of this week exaggerating.
The only reason I keep people`s phone numbers in my phone is to avoid their calls..
There’s gotta be a better use for the part of my brain that remembers every word to “Baby Got Back.”