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I`m a really nice guy before you get to know me.
What does Miley Cyrus have for dinner on Christmas? Twerky :`)
Light travels faster than sound.. That is why some people appear bright until they speak.
Somebody needs to invent a voice-activated refrigerator on wheels.
Every once in a while I check up on people I hate to make sure I still hate them… I do.
Facebook: Wasting peoples lives since 2004
Never forget that we live in a world in which it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract.
Fingerprints are proof that God doesn`t trust us
I have a pornographic memory... Go ahead and get naked, I`ll remember you.
Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.
Life would be perfect if: Mondays were fun, junk food was healthy, drama didn’t exist, and goodbyes were only until tomorrow.
Give a man a beer and he wastes an hour, teach him how to brew, and he wastes a lifetime.
"YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!?" I yell to my husband as I hand him the trash.
If da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20121020-00463.jpg"
Remember before you give the finger from the safety of your car, not everyone has a schedule to keep.