Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It’s called karma, and it’s pronounced “haha! Screw you!”
Condom commercials should just be 30 seconds of crying babies pooping and vomiting all over themselves.
I`m pretty sure some of you just drag your face across the keyboard and hit send.
I think my front door faces the wrong direction. People keep finding it.
´s status message is better than yours
Men are a lot like kids, if you want to shut them up, put a boob in their mouth.
"Turtle Power" is not an appropriate response when HR asks you how you plan to meet your objectives this year. Apparently.
You are not a "Food Blogger", you`re a "Fat a$$ with a laptop"
Life is tough. Put on your big girl panties and deal with it like the rest of us.
Trust me, I am a liar.
I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped and shattered my phone
When you send food back to the kitchen, you`re basically saying, "Can you have the chef rub his genitals on this please."
Don`t EVER break a pinky promise. That sh!t is LEGIT.
Avoid hangovers: stay drunk ;)
I love strapping my kids into their car seats. It’s the closest I can legally come to putting them in straitjackets.