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I purchased my own Taser off the internet the other day. In a totally unconnected incident, I´ve got to buy a cat to replace the neighbors one this afternoon.
Salad tastes pretty good once you add some pizza and get rid of the salad.
There are no bad pictures; that’s just how your face looks sometimes.
All women are crazy. But, if you pretend to listen to them when they talk, they will let you live.
Oh well, this time isn`t going to procrastinate itself.
It’s only a matter of time until “Security Cameras of Wal-Mart” is a reality TV show.
I`m obviously smarter than you`re
It´s Friday!! yea! Oh sorry, I was just practicing.
I wonder if the earth teases other planets for having no life.
They say you`ve got to spend money to make money. Feel like there`s some middle step I`ve been missing?
Letting my dad play Angry Birds on my iPad is like showing a caveman fire.
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. They are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”
"LSD causes users to lose weight" Obviously. You can`t eat when a dragon is guarding the fridge.
Life is basically just a constant effort to not be disgusting.
I try and inspire at least one person everyday to leave me the f*ck alone.