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They say money can`t buy you happiness, but I`ve got a receipt from the liquor store telling a whole different story.
I had to leave the bowling alley right in the middle of the game. I didn`t have time to spare.
The best thing about telepathy is... I know, right!?
I tried to make both ends meet, but I`m a poor judge of distance.
I wanna steal a Krispy Kreme truck and go on a high speed chase just because it`d be funny to watch a bunch of cops chase a donut truck
Cheers, to judging people who spell words wrong in their statuses.
I think I`m approaching my "best if used by" date
I got kicked out of the public swimming pool today. Apparently the `Breast Stroke` wasn`t what I thought it was.
We all have faults. It`s just that mine are better than yours.
The existence of the `snooze` button tells you everything you ever need to know about the human race.
The best thing about the internet is knowledge. You have all this knowledge at your fingertips! And we get to share what we learn with others! Oh...wait a second. I forgot about porn. OK I take it back. PORN is the best thing about the internet!
If it wasn`t for physics and law enforcement, I`d be unstoppable.
on a scale of 1-10 how honest are you? I would say 10 but then i would be lying!
If you have a Selfie Stick Pro, go back two spaces.
Coffee shops should have a separate line for people who are late for work.