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Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
How many calories does swearing like a motherf*cker burn?
How come "you`re a peach" is a complement but "you`re bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
Do you ever go on youtube just to watch a music video then 5 hours later you find yourself watching a tutorial on how to talk to a giraffe?
If Apple made a car, would it have windows?
Why do they call a grapefruit a grapefruit? I mean there is already a fruit called a grape!!
Normal people scare me ... But not as much as I scare them. :)
I`ve just released my own fragrance...No one on the bus seems to like it though.
The trouble with children is that they´re not returnable.
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.
Sitting out in my front yard pointing a hair dryer at speeding cars to see if any slow down.
hates when I´m singing along with the radio and the artist messes up the words!
If you want to be remembered after you die, borrow money from everyone you know.
ooooh boy, Mother`s Day hangovers...always the worst huh?!
Is it just me, or would those movies had been far scarier if they were titled "Monday the 13th"