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I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night to get a quick drink of water and then accidentally eat a whole pizza and a cheesecake.
If my smartphone was so smart, then why it can`t do my math homework
If you ever want to watch a women feel herself up for ten minutes, hide her cellphone.
Getting out of bed feels like the worst thing that’s ever happened to me ... every time it happens.
Caterpillars have the ideal life. They eat a lot and then sleep for a while and wake up beautiful.
Now that the Summer is over, I can finally stop pretending to be on a diet
Why do people say “nice to meet you” before I’ve even said anything? How do you know it’s nice to meet me? I’m a jerk.
I grew up in a town where the population never changed… Every time a girl got pregnant, a guy left town
All`s not lost my Friends. It won`t be long til people realize Selfie Sticks also make wonderful lightning rods......
I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.
Ever been in the middle of writing a great post and think, did I just run someone over?
People should be required to pay an extra dollar for every syllable of their coffee order.
YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME is not a good thing to say to your boss.
My Christmas present to all of you? I took a naked selfie and deleted it.
I`m broker than the Tooth Fairy in a house full of Meth addicts.