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Bathroom hand dryers are amazing if you want to kill a few minutes before wiping your hands on your pants.
I`ll be taking my time and yours,, thank you....... -- all 80 yr. old drivers
My favorite part of the day? The food part.
It’s embarrassing that 90% of my Google history is just words I wasn’t sure how to spell, and yes I googled embarrassing.
People tend to get angry when you treat them the same way they treat you.
I hope to get to the point in my life where I`m not excited about finding change on the ground.
Arguing politics is like trying to convince someone that their baby isn`t cute.
Every fork at your favorite restaurant has been in 100`s of strangers` mouths
Farting isn`t ladylike? Well, neither is giving a blowjob, but I have never heard you complaining about that!
When I see a tire swing swaying gently in the breeze, I like to believe its daydreaming about life on the open road.
If you`re in a hole, stop digging...
Well, I`m going to take a hot shower. Its like a regular shower, but with me in it.
Batman had the bat signal. If you need to get my attention, hold a Roast Beef Sandwich over a floor lamp and aim it at my apartment.
What am I taking to the Family Thanksgiving feast? Tupperware.
When it comes to speaking Spanish I know the essentials. "Taco, nacho, burrito, cheeto, frito & no comprendo."