Daily Silly Status

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.

I don’t want to be a millionaire, I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping gas.

I hope someone I hate hears their first Christmas song this year in October.

People should have to pass an IQ test to use the internet.

If I can see you, you`re invading my personal space.

ME- I love it when you lay me down like that, the way you touch my belly and put cold things on me baby DOCTOR- Miss this is a medical examination and you are making me extremely uncomfortable

Single ladies, stop saying you should just give up & get a cat , if no man wants you , don`t force an innocent cat to live with you..

I`m that friend that you have to explain to people before you introduce me and apologize about afterwards.

It is possible to stay in your room all day and be perfectly happy.

I always like seeing those "Baby on Board" stickers because it`s nice to see agreeable babies out there.

I’m in big trouble if my coworkers find out that I really don’t have Tourette’s

I’m not positive that having the TV volume on an odd number will destroy the world, but lets not risk it.

Milk Duds: When you want some candy but also crave a dislocated jaw

Last night, I fell asleep with one of those new e-cigarettes in my mouth. I woke up half an hour later & my whole apartment was on the internet.

I asked my girlfriend why she never tells me when she orgasms. She said she doesn`t like phoning me at work.