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If Plan A doesn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Keep calm.
My life`s paradox: I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.
How many V and M can see
NNNNNMNNNNNNNVVWWWWVWWWWW
Beer is like sex. When it’s good it’s good…when it’s bad it’s still pretty good.
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I`m part of the other 3%.
times new roman walks into a bar. "sorry, we don`t serve your type."
Facebook is like my fridge… I know there is nothing there but I check it every 10 minutes anyways.
I`m no auto mechanic but I`m pretty good at letting people who drive behind me know whether or not they need new brakes
FYI: You can buy wedding cake even if there`s no wedding, those suckers don`t even check
Never buy crystal meth from a guy with a full set of teeth. He`s obviously an undercover cop.
Whenever somebody is murdered, the 1st person the police investigae is the spouse. That should tell you all you need to know about marriage.
I just finish reading "50 shades of gray" by Sherwin Williams. I don`t see what all the hype is about these paint brochures.
Facebook really needs a “pee on someone’s wall” option.