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Sorry I got drunk and angry and said all those things I meant but still shouldn`t have said.
Facebook: Saving us money on birthday cards since 2004
If you don`t have anything nice to say I would probably enjoy spending time with you
I wish some people`s cardio exercise consisted of running into traffic.
I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew.
At least thirty percent of my workout is spent picking a different song.
I`ll do whatever it takes to be the mistake you can`t live without
Can we all just agree to start spelling it "Wensday"?
You know it`s gonna be a sh!tty day when you put your bra on backwords and it fits better.
Maybelline claims to make eyelashes appear three times longer…..I think they should start making condoms.
"Wow, you look good today!” is not a compliment if it comes with a genuinely surprised look.
It`s bigger on the inside..said no woman, ever!
A homeless guy just asked me for money, and I almost gave it to him, but then I thought... he`s just going to use it for alcohol, and then I thought... That`s what I`m going to use it for.
Don`t blame me, I was born awesome ;)
I’m glad I’m me, I don’t think anybody else could take it.