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My Christmas tree smells like pine, and is hanging from the shift lever in my car.
My dad said if I don`t get of facebook in 3 seconds he would jab my face into the keyboahajsirksjapquebxm
If I could move things by telekinesis I`d squeeze people`s insides and make them fart.
You girls are lucky, tampons are changing the end from a string to a bit of tinsel but its only for the Christmas period
There are dozens of different flavors of ramen noodles, but they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
Given the places I`ve had my tongue, no we cannot "just be friends".
When I`m really bored at work I like to write "I`m watching you" on the toilet paper a few squares in just to mess with people.
It’s like I wanna be left alone but I still want people to notice my absence, you know.
Dimples are considered a facial muscledeformity in the medical world.
The hardest part of carving a pumpkin nowadays is finding some newspaper to spread
That one-day popularity on Facebook because it’s your birthday.
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I`d never be bored again.
Most bags of sand live a tough life stopping floods. But some, the lucky ones, live a leisurely life tied to the basket of a hot air balloon
Mosquito`s and parking inspectors must be from the same family...
Guy on plane: So, where are you going? Me: I`m guessing it`s the same place you`re going.