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When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the person wearing pajamas in public is doing.
Forget the hero part, I just like the fact that Batman punches clowns.
Sit-ups are my favorite form of exercise because I get to lay down every few seconds.
Attention fuels immaturity
Today I seek some truth and fulfilment but I’ll settle for some bacon.
I`m not an alcoholic I just have a lot of things to celebrate.
is easily distracted by shiny objects.
Calling someone "stupid" is mean. Unless they actually are. Then it`s just a diagnosis.
Sorry I just saw your text from last night, are you guys still at the restaurant
My boss told me that there is no such thing as problems, only opportunities. I said, “That’s great. Well I have a serious drinking opportunity.”
A fun thing to do when leaving the Zoo, is too start frantically running and yelling "OMG they`ve all escaped!"
I didn`t mean to offend you, that was just a bonus.
At any given time my wallet is worth more than its contents.
I want to take this moment to thank the depends adult diaper company for allowing me to play my video game for a strait 8 hours uninterupted...
I’m a fan of saying YOU’RE WELCOME really loudly when people don’t thank you.