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I wear a cape when I`m driving so if I get pulled over the cop will think I`m going somewhere to fight crime.
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to simply ignore you.
Nothing says “I don’t take you seriously” like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
Why do the people with the most annoying voices always appear to have the worst case of verbal diarrheal??!!
"Grapey." -me after every wine at the wine-tasting
the real full form of M.B.A....Married But Available
LIKE IF you… walk into a room, forget what you need, walk out, and then remember.
"I like your tree`s earring." ... "That`s a tire swing."
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
My dog reminds me of my ex. She doesn`t pull her weight financially and she`s scared of the vacuum.
If Tetris has taught me anything it`s that errors pile up and accomplishments disappear.
I am really thankful that I have a desk job. I could never get all my personal stuff done at home.
I didn`t have access to Facebook for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
Dear women at Walmart with 6 screaming kids: if your wondering how that box of condoms got in your cart.... Your welcome!
Honestly, I have no idea what I would even do with 5 hours of energy.