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Just when you think you have the answer a woman will be there to change the question.
My Chinese waiter put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now.............Wait, That`s not my waiter!
Sometimes I wish you could ask the pharmacist to "make it a double".
As I get older my tastes are changing, for instance I used to not like brussels sprouts but now I don`t like people.
There`s never been a single day in my life when I thought to myself " thank god the cops are here"
Please come see my theatrical dramatization of the history of puns ... It`s a play on words.
I guarantee there`s a pregnant teenager somewhere who thinks `Ebola` would be a lovely name for their child.
There are other things in life besides sex and alcohol. Those other things all suck, but they do exist, I assume.
What do you mean my bathrobe is inappropriate? Isn`t it casual Friday?!
Friends don’t let friends twerk.
You can usually judge a women`s hotness by how many times your girlfriend calls her a whore.
A magic eraser, but for my bar tab.
Whenever I hear "let me tell you the truth", I secretly cross my fingers, hoping they say "brownies are healthy, eat as many as you want."
That awkward moment when you type your password where you should`ve typed your email, and your friend`s standing right there -___-
5 symptoms of laziness –> 1.