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I know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren’t there Starbucks pumpkin spice latte trucks in the winter?
If you´re a millionaire and you don´t have trampoline floors or a giant slide that goes from your bed to an olympic sized indoor pool, then you should just give me all of your money because you´re wasting it.
I have over 500 facebook friends, and i want to say that i love you all...except for number 376 ..you`re a real a@@hole!!
I love that moment when I`m cruising down the highway listening to country music and I suddenly realize "wait a minute I can change the station!"
People who have more than 10 items in the express line… We see you and we are judging you.
I like to follow random families around Disneyland for a day and just be in the background of all their photos.
Fruit cocktail is the most disappointing of all the cocktails.
I`m surprised kids haven`t found a way to trick or treat online yet
When I say lol, I don`t literally mean I laughed out loud. What I actually mean is that I made a loud outward breath through my nose, similar to a bull.
Sometimes, entire relationships can be chalked up to, "that weird thing I did for a while."
Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean. Mostly against walls, tables, chairs, bars, floors & occasionally, weirdos ..
Divorce is what happens when two people win an argument.
When your Dr. says "I`ll need to Google that"..... it`s time to change Doctors
Sometimes, when my husband has a day off, I like to bring the TV remote with me to work.