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"You know what, we need a huge spoon to take care of this" -Guy who invented shovels
Look at the keyboard. It has `U` and `I` together. Look underneath that. It says `JK`.
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
Did you hear about the Cannibal that "passed" his Uncle in the Jungle?...............
And by "whatever" I mean f*ck you.
If you don’t like something change it... if you can’t change it....post it on facebook, so we can "like it" and laugh..
Its sad that we live in a world that puts words into the dictionary if enough stupid people use it.
You should have seen the guy who unlocked the liquor store this morning. It was like he never saw anyone roll up a sleeping bag before.
Whenever i see a facebook page Celebrate; "We have reached 200K fans". I just ask myself, do they know how many of those 200K died or left facebook or can`t remember their password after they liked the page?
If you can read this, you`re not having sex either.
I don`t know about you, but I`ve thought about running away more as an adult than I ever did as a child.
There is nothing worse then trying to watch porn with a slow internet connection.
People at airports must not workout much because they are all using these treadmills wrong...
I never used to mind my wife hitting me in the face as she climaxed until I found out she was faking it.
Friends that are with you during your darkest times probably didn’t pay their electric bill either.