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i joined new gym yesterday. i did 3 sets of selfies on each machine
If the interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years. Standing naked on top of a fire truck does not appear to be the correct answer
Just printed out 50 copies of today’s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I’m just not in the mood for small talk.
I`ll never forget what my dad said when I gave him the picture I drew and asked him to put on the refrigerator: "Wtf Dude, you`re 23."
If things always went according to a plan…. life wouldn’t be interesting.
When someone says I love you over the phone and you don`t feel the same, just say `I love youtube` but say it really fast!
Getting stuff out of my refrigerator is like playing Jenga.
I`ve found that the things I`m most interested in aren`t really in my best interest.
one day a man seen a fairy, and asked.... could you make me irresistible to all women.... so she turned him into a credit card. :`D
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I`m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.
Sometimes, the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
Whenever you feel nobody cares or loves you. You should ask yourself...Am I TOO sexy?
A woman’s anger is like a check engine light; there’s no pleasant way to determine what caused it, so just ignore it and hope it goes away.
Emails from your boss assigning you work do not qualify as cyber bullying. I checked.
I`m ok with women faking it in bed. I faked everything to get her there.