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This salad is delicious, probably because it`s a donut.
You see I, I´ve raise a toast to all of us. Who are breakin´ our backs everyday. If wantin´ the good life is such a crime. Lord, then put me away, yeah, here´s to you
That weird moment when u just say "what`s up " to someone and they thing you`re a shrink.
Can`t reach it. Don`t need it.
Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?
Just ate a whole bag of chips, but it was “reduced fat” so basically it was like going to the gym.
If you`ve Liked more than 15 of my posts over the past year, I assume you`re okay with me putting you down as a personal reference on this job application, k?
After a certain point, the `F` on the thermometer no longer stands for Fahrenheit.
Why are clothes so expensive? I shouldn`t have to pay so much to not be naked. Other people should pay me not to be naked.
One day I will solve all problems with grace & maturity. Today is not that day...
Don’t confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.
If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that sh!t means but at least they`re not talking to you anymore
Nothing says love like hearing a toilet flush on the other end of the phone.
Just signed a $320,000, nine year deal with my therapist.
I’m not always rude. Sometimes I’m sleeping.