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Jerry: Tom, you are a genius!.. Tom: Yeah, I am called that a lot... Jerry: What? Genius?... Tom: No, `Tom`
Pet stores should post "Chameleon" on empty reptile cages just to see how long people would stand and look.
Offering a homeless dude $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
I hate those new parents who do the `baby talking`, yes I do, yes I do...
Helpful Tip: Dont laugh when the cop says penal system ... oh and I need bail money again.
My religious preference, is for you to steer clear of me with yours.
Why do people with the most to say contribute the least?
i have noticed you notice me noticing you
My brain has too many tabs open.
Don’t break anyone’s heart; they only have one. Break they’re bones. They have over 200 of them.
I`m thinking about remodeling my bathroom and thanks to all your selfies I`m getting some great ideas!!.....
I’m jealous of a book character for having sex with another character but sure come ask my advice about your marriage.
A good way to break up with a girl gently, is to curtsy when you`re meeting her father instead of shaking his hand.
What did I get for Christmas? Fat...
I wouldn`t do much for a Klondike Bar; I would however get naked for beer.