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Does anyone know where the off switch on a child is? I can’t seem to find it.
Stop saying `all the men are the same` who told you to try them all..WHORE!!?¿
My next pet is going to be named "Peeve."
I have enough leftover Halloween candy to get me to leftover Valentine`s Day candy time.
Sometimes I get in this weird mood where I find everyone annoying. But it only happens when I’m awake.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
Sorry I didn`t answer when you called, I had 6 Peeps in my mouth
Tupperware: When you want to throw out your food some other day.
I’m not a schizophrenic… At least, that’s what all the voices tell me.
drinking while working out...it`s called Bacardio
Dora the explorer.... Y U NO GET GPS?
To all who called into work drunk today. Happy St Patrick`s Day.
Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don`t think soooo.
A great thing about being single is never having to erase your history tab.
Didn`t have to do much to end my last relationship...she first told me that "opposites attract"...then a couple of days later she told me i was handsome, kind, smart, funny and loving...