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Once in a while you meet a person that makes you smile when you think about them. They`re trouble. Stay away from them.
I bet you $567.89 you can’t guess how much I owe my bookie.
Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. I`m made of sarcasm, wine and everything fine.
I wonder if any Disney managers ever start a meeting off with "What kind of Mickey Mouse operation are we running around here?"
If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck then it could be a dragon doing a duck impersonation.
Don`t get excited girls. That bulge in my pants is just emergency Oreos.
I`m not crazy, but I am a carrier.
There`s a bald spot in my yard so I`m gonna let the grass grow around it really long and then do a comb over.
If I had a nickel for everytime I said, "If I had a nickel", I`d be rich.
The filling in this fortune cookie tastes like paper...
I can’t tell if I’m hungry, but better eat just in case.
If I ever go missing and there’s a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at any gyms.
If your pet has its own FB page, it might be time for a reality check...
I love food, napping on the couch, and getting super excited about car rides, I`m basically a golden retriever.
I like to finish other people`s sentences because my version is better.