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If laziness was a sport, I would win first. Except I would have to send someone to except my medal.
My tacos arrived with a fork on the plate. I can only guess it`s there to stab potential taco thieves.
When you called me a b*tch, did you mean it as an insult or a compliment?
It`s a shame that stupidity can`t be converted into a usable energy source.
How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?
Friendship must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, nudity, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
Wish I turned into a wolf every month instead of getting my period
I think we`ll be friends forever because we`re too lazy to find new friends.
All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening
Irony. The opposite of wrinkly.
If ghosts existed, why are they all apparently from the last 100 years or so? Wouldn’t there be evidence of a Neanderthal ghost here and there?
If you love something, set it free. If it immediately bites your throat and drags you up a tree, you love a leopard and should try to escape.
The 4 stages of a relationship: 1. I like you 2. I love you 3. I hate you 4. Arson
My favorite part of The Notebook is when I turned it off and watched Terminator 3 instead.
People who weigh their produce. What`s it like to have all the time in the world?