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My girlfriend said she wasn`t impressed and felt she needed a man with at least 6 inches. So I folded it in half.
If I were a cashier I`d pretend people were waiting in line to kiss me.
Is it really necessary for the first square of toilet paper to be glued down?
I gauge a person’s wealth by the level of protection on their iPhone. No case, huge salary.
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches.
I am finally old enough to realize my father was right, but now my kids think I am wrong.
At this point Washington DC is basically just an elaborate promotional stunt for Grand Theft Auto V.
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not a flow chart?
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching.
The real trouble with reality is that there`s no background music.
The only thing instant glue sticks to instantly is fingers.
Due to political correctness issues, "Krazy Glue" will now be known as "Mental Disorder Glue."
After reading some marriage post, I`m beginning to suspect we all may have been married to the same person.
Why can`t things be simple like they use to be? I show you a bug I found, we share a snack pack, and then you`re my girlfriend.