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Computer froze? Just press all the keys.
I bet spongebob will get his license before Taylor Swift finds love.
I would like to give thanks to the brave men and women who died a long time ago tasting which plants were edible and which plants were not.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with pretty daughters do.
The reason i connot lie is because i like big butts.
North West? Im confused i thought Kim Kardashian gave birth to a child not a compass
I would have a girlfriend but finding someone who likes to be ignored is hard.
If Kutcher went to Sheen and said It`s still your show, this was all a joke and yelled "You got Punked" it would be the greatest prank ever.
When the only light in your world is suddenly gone …it’s time to recharge your phone.
The wife and I just got divorced. We split the house ... I got the outside.
for those people out there who don`t know me, congrats your not a facebook addict
If you have just started playing flappy bird I would like to warn you there is nothing up ahead but more dangling pipes and disappointment
If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there’s some millionaire walking around who invented the Pool Noodle.
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food
I must have drank more than I thought last weekend...there`s an entire hour that I don`t remember!