Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Every time I`m about to win an argument with my wife someone wakes me up.
Edward Cullen is extremely pale due to the lack of light in the closet.
Just for fun, next time you see a snooty, rich woman at the grocery store, ask her if she works there.
I just ended a long-term relationship today ... I’m ok though, it wasn’t mine.
Guys... If the girl your getting down with doesn`t even have time to fake an orgasm..... It`s prob best you just make your sandwich
Son to mom: why should I sweep the floor? Mom to son: do you want to be an Olympic Curl champion?
The last time anything got banged on my bed, it was my little toe against the leg.
The way you feel when your phone dies is exactly how Cinderella must have felt at midnight
Saw a hobo sleeping on a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. Must be his alarm system.
I love how twix come with two bars so I can eat one now and the other immediately after
I wonder how much a zebra would cost if you scan it…
After how long is it ok to tell your friends that they are imaginary?
Life is far too short to remove the USB safely.
Carfax but for people
This hot fudge sundae hasn`t killed me so it must be making me stronger.