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I`m sorry I slapped you. It`s just you seemed like you weren`t going to stop talking and I panicked.
I only say "God bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.
People who go jogging, you realise we have cars now, right?
I thought my name was "Stop encouraging him" until I was 11.
Apparently, all those good looking people in the swimsuit catalogs go to a different beach than I do.
If I was a waiter.. I would plant fake engagement rings in every girl`s champagne glass, just to see their boyfriends panic.
just watched my first full episode of jersey shore... #ashamed of new entertainment
If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.
I think you people lied to me...exactly how much of this hair of the dog do I have to eat before this hangover goes away?
Huh, So you are telling me that these straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress? And not for what I`ve been using them for all this time?
Never date someone that works for your cell phone provider. Just sayin
In the morning there`s a huge difference between 6:00 and 6:05.
Whenever you feel nobody cares or loves you. You should ask yourself...Am I TOO sexy?
Admit it, we all have that special someone we`d visit if given a tank to drive for a day
Are oranges named orange because they’re orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?