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When I hear a person say "My Mom didn`t raise no dummy", I feel like saying "She lied to you"
Ever notice how the automatic flush sensors in public restrooms kinda look like hidden cameras?
I`ll bet the guy who invented the snooze button never invented anything else.
If you workout and don`t post a status about it on Facebook, do you still lose weight?
I hate it when I mentally undress a woman and my OCD kicks in and I start folding her clothes.
Why do some people call it a "tuna-fish" sandwich? It`s not like anyone calls it a "chicken-bird" sandwich.
So I was looking at my boyfriends facebook page and saw a ton of girls saying they love him. He`s obviously cheating on me. We are so over Zac Efron.
I gave up my Ego, because I am so much better than that..................
It`s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
The only thing I ever win playing McDonald’s Monopoly is 10 pounds.
I`m losing my mind, but as long as I keep the part that tells me when I gotta pee, I should be OK
I will be responsible for my actions....when my actions become more responsible.
The Internet: where no one is afraid to say the first thing that pops into their head.
Would it be wrong to ask a one-eyed person if it really was "all fun and games" up to that point?
Leaving the house on a Monday morning would be so much cooler if someone would yell "Aaaaand Action!" as I walk out the door.