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I would like to discuss tennis but I wouldn`t want to cause a racket
People who live in glass houses should not throw orgies
Had a blast doing my Black Friday tradition!!!! I slept!
Is that a selfie or did you just photobomb a picture of your filthy bathroom?
All my biological clock does, is let me know when it`s time to eat again
Get real. No one’s going to form a single line if the building’s on FIRE.
Sometimes I order fajitas at a restaurant just to get more attention.
I`m doing the KFC Bucket Challenge!
We Should Have A Way Of Telling People Their Breath Stinks Without Hurting Their Feelings. Like: "I`m bored, let`s go brush our teeth"
I fell asleep with infomercials playing on the TV.... I woke up with a strange desire to do P90X with a Shake Weight while in my Snuggie
It`s damn funny when a wife think`s she`s punishing her husband by not talking to him for days..
I probably shouldn’t have driven home from the bar last night ... Especially as I walked there in the first place.
When parents on Facebook post about how they can`t believe their kid is going into whatever grade, write "No way! I thought for sure he`d be held back!"
Roses are red violets are blue vodka cost less than dinner for 2.
I finished your laundry, the ashes are in the fireplace.