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Behind every man there is a woman wondering if going to jail for murder is as bad as it sounds.
If abortion is murder then are condoms kidnapping?
No officer, my speech isn`t slurred. I`m just talking in cursive.
I love how when your watching a crime show and they have to tell you that "this is a reenactment" oh really? you mean you didn`t actually catch the murder on video?
’Friday’ is my second favourite word starting from the letter `F`. :)
Don`t ask me stupid questions and I won`t hurt your stupid feelings.
When in darkness, pray. If you pray and nothing happens, I think it is the high time you paid your electricity bill.
My dog reminds me of my ex. She doesn`t pull her weight financially and she`s scared of the vacuum.
Trying to achieve the perfect erection. How hard could it be?
Best Pregnancy T-Shirt… “9 Months Sober”
Retirement plans compared .. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycl
A girl phoned me the other day and said “Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home.
I dont even bother filling out the "From" field on gift tags during xmas. One look at the wrap job, and its VERY obvious.
There should be a mercy rule for how many pics a girl can upload from her vacation.
Shoplifting is just undocumented shopping.