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I just watched a puppy do something really cute. It was like a real life YouTube video.
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends.
When I see someone walking more than one dog I always think, "wow, that person must be really blind."
Some people want to get in shape before they go to a gym. Which is the equivalent of losing weight so you can go on a diet
I bought a box of "SO CALLED" Hot Pockets --- brought them home, and opened one to eat it, and the Damned thing was FROZEN ----- Miis-Advertizing at it`s BEST!!! Now what do I do with the Damned thing???? :-P
Walmart is one store where it is truly acceptable to shop in your pajamas.
The mind is like a parachute .... It doesn`t work if it isn`t open.
When nobody`s home, I tighten the top to every jar and bottle in the house.
I like to keep bartenders on their toes by making up drinks on the spot. "Yeah, I`ll take a Dirty Hammock."
Everything is legal when the cops aren`t around.
It was so cold today the local flasher was caught "describing" himself to women.
Dogs are God`s way of apologizing for your relatives.
Thanks, autocorrect. I`m sure she`s dying to know about my huge peninsula.
*sigh* the cop at the front door is never a stripper when you need it to be
Congratulation! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air! Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.