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A zombie apocalypse sounds even worse when you consider all those smoke detectors beeping for battery changes.
People hate the truth. Luckily, the Truth doesn`t give a $#!t.
Life is full of disappointments, I`ll just add you to the list.
Ok honey don’t freak out, but someone broke into the house, ate all the ice cream, smashed that picture of your mother, and didn’t do the dishes.
Don`t ask me how my night was coz I don`t know. I was asleep.
We could learn a lot from our dogs.... If you can`t eat it or play with it, then pee on it and walk away
Meanwhile on Facebook, someone has made a casserole...
My local hairdresser just got arrested for selling drugs. Unbelievable! I`ve been her customer for 10 years and had no clue she was a hairdresser!
I miss times when I was working at the zoo... my boss fired me just because I left the lion`s gate open.... I mean who would steal a lion
Never tell a lie ... unless it is absolutely convenient
Today I am thankful that I don`t post what I am thankful for on Facebook, every day in November. Or ever.
"I`m tired of you pushing me around and talking behind my back." ----people in wheelchairs probably
If opportunity doesn`t knock, build a door.
Vodka isn`t the answer... but it makes you forget the question :P
Oops, I must have put my personalities on "shuffle"