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Does this status update make me look fat?
I miss that feeling you`d get at the video store when you discovered the movie you wanted to rent was available.
I`d better check my phone for texts from friends. *checks phone* Well, I`d better get some friends...
I bet Jellyfish are sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish.
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
I stamp my hand on Saturday morning so it looks like I went out on Friday night.
I maybe wrong but I doubt it.
I`ll be drinking tell I see Leprechauns tonight.
FACT: The higher pitched my "hey!" the greater the chance I don`t remember who you are.
When you leave store without buying anything and all you can think is `keep calm, you`re innocent`.
I used to question how much information was too much information. Joined Facebook, It`s much clearer now
American Sniper proves that not even being in an active war zone will prevent your spouse from calling you at work.
I get butterflies in my stomach every time I eat butterflies.
Who ever says "words can`t hurt you" has never been hit in the face with a dictionary.
Sometimes you just see a post and think, "Yup it`s your own fault."